take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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