After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
