Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
