also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
