please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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