I want to have your abortion
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
