Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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