i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
