I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
