Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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