I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
