I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
