we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
