Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
