I hope mine doesn't look like that
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
