If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
True college students do jello shots in the library
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