Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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