Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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