Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Enjoy the penises
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
