I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
