Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
