so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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