your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
