Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Randomize
