Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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