you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
