is your mom at the bar?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
