Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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