Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
