Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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