I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
