I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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