sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize