Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
