we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
