sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
