Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
