so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
