Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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