Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
someone owes me an orgasm
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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