Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
