I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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