All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
