I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
