Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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