I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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