I'm going to jail i love you
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
