Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
