I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
