What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
