she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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