Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
