my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
