There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
