Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
