i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
