who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
