ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
