I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
