i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize