yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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