It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
