The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
