i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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