she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
there was a trapeze. enough said
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
