I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
